I wonder who I’d be if I didn’t have any insecurities. Would I still think the same as I do now or would I be completely different? Would the same thoughts of wanting to comfort others when I see someone hurting or feeling insecure about themselves pop into my head if I viewed myself as more worthy than I do now?
The questions never end, but here’s what I’ve learned throughout my years of enduring insecurities.
By being my harshest critic, my insecurities have shown me humility.
I know not to judge others’ appearances consciously because I snap back into reality with a voice in my head that says, “Stop thinking that. You’re not perfect either.” Is that voice always the nicest to me? No, but if it stops me from having negative thoughts about others, then I’d say it’s a pretty useful thing to have.
I have trust issues.
There, I said it. It’s something I’ve struggled to admit to myself, but I do. I have problems trusting others because I have issues with trusting myself. It sounds quite sad and negative but if I’m being real here, it’s because I’m honest with the fact that I screw up as a person and I know others do too. As an extension of my inability to believe in myself, I have doubt that others actually have the intentions that they say they do. I’m not saying that I have malicious intent behind anything I do, but I don’t have the same faith in others because I am harsh on myself since I know I unintentionally think badly toward others sometimes. Hence why I am worried that they’re thinking the same things about me.
People won’t remember half the embarrassing mistakes you’ve made.
How many times have you been at work or sitting in class doing something productive when BOOM, an embarrassing memory hits you? That has happened to me more times than I can count. However, I realized after bringing up a memory to a friend in regards to when I was pantsed by our friend group, that people simply do not care about you as much as you may think. To put it simply: They do not care enough to remember certain things. Psychology even says that we have selective memory because we mainly remember the things that were prominent to us, and as we may all (well, most of us) know, our lives do not revolve around just us. What’s important to you may not have been of importance to me and vice versa.
I care too much.
While some people may not care enough, I was surprised to hear that I make some humorous situations awkward by caring too much. After I asked two separate people what I could improve on in personality, I was told that when someone disses another person as a joke, I take it upon myself to dispel that comment with a nice compliment toward the person that comment was originally made to. All this time, I hadn’t even realized I was doing it, even though I knew it was all in fun and games. I’d I felt the subconscious desire to “help” cushion the blow of the diss in the instance that it did affect them personally. God knows that’s what I wish someone had done for me, admittedly.
I am more than I think I am.
It’s funny how you can hear a million compliments but not believe or hear a single one of them if you don’t believe in them yourself. Throughout the wonderful efforts of my friends and family, they have shown me that there is more to life than caring about how other people see me, but also that it doesn’t hurt to have the support of those you love telling you that they think you’re awesome and that’s what counts. My parents have always told me how proud they are of me but until I believe it, it’s useless.
At the end of the day, you just have to learn how to silence those harsh voices that are a pittance in your life. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve lied awake wallowing in self pity and hatred. While it is important to be self-aware, it is not healthy to be overly critical of yourself. What I sometimes do is dig myself into a hole of vast emptiness and tireless mind games. It helps no one.
We only get one life and it would be a heck of a stupid move to waste it.
